I’ve been thinking about the 2nd step a lot today, but I don’t think I’m quite ready to move on yet.
I’m having a really hard time acknowledging the things that I’m addicted to. When I force myself to sit down and take a good hard look at them, I see them and can acknowledge the fact that they have more power over me than they should. Yet, I still fail to see this a lot in my day to day life.
Even worse than that, something inside of me keeps whispering ‘You’ve got this.’
I don’t ‘have this.’
I don’t have it at all.
I wouldn’t be so fucked up if I did.
I’ve found myself, recently, consumed. I waste hours upon hours of my life on something that’s temporary at best. Even when I say I’m disconnecting from it, I’m only ever pretending.
I’m constantly looking for and thinking about my next hit.
I’m missing out on my own life.
It’s like I’ve disconnected from my life and plugged into this other one with a me that I barely recognize. I can pretend all I want, but it’s not my life. It’s not.
I’m wasting time. I’m wasting my life. I stand in front of the mirror and I don’t recognize myself anymore.
I don’t know who I am. I don’t know whose life this is that I’m pacifically sifting through.
