“I probably shouldn’t say this but at times I get so scared when I think about the previous relationship we shared.
It was awesome but we lost it.
It’s not possible for me not to care.”
It’s not like I haven’t been preparing for this since february. It’s not like this was suddenly thrust upon me with no warning. I knew it would happen. I knew this was how she had decided things would go.
Still, it hurts. I’m still scared that this is the beginning of a complete and utter end to any friendship whatsoever.
These next two (ish) weeks are going to be hell. I need to get out of this apartment and into the new one. One that I can come back to without being reminded of what a shitty person I am.
What’s funny is every time I’m here I get bombarded with happy memories. Nothing I’ve dwelt on the last day or so has been bad. It’s all really happy, positive stuff.
Yet it’s that stuff that hurts the most. We had good times, all of us. Honestly tuesday night was probably the best night we’ve had together (for me at least) in a long ass time.
I just wish I didn’t feel so tossed aside. I’m gonna keep doing my part to keep in touch and stay friends, but I can’t say that I’m not just a little scared that I’ve been completely replaced by m.
I am thinking though that all of this emotional crap has a lot to do with the fact that it’s a) change and b) the week before my period. Pray for me. Pray that I will get through this week and see if it’s not better after I start.
